Silver-Robot-Mime Scanning through the latest shoe trends and I came across some shoes that seem specifically designed for unusual jobs and nothing else.

Like the Steven by Steve Madden Women’s Melin shoe. This silver oxford wing tip features male styling for women’s shoes. The look is not sexy, it’s pretty blah and the silver color is just insane UNLESS you’re one of those robot mimes that stand outside of tourist attractions. Then suddenly this shoe makes sense.

Or the K-Swiss Women’s K-ona S which basically looks like a Fourth of July parade exploded on your shoes. Only the most patriotic of the pack would wear these running shoes UNLESS you’re actually an Olympic athlete. (Oh, and by the way, there’s also an Australian version).

Aerosoles has come out with their oddly strappy and very yellow Aerosoles Women’s Bogota which look like they’re make to be fairly comfortable but draw unwanted attention with their bright yellow hue UNLESS you’re a crossing guard. These are perfect shoes for a crossing guard who needs to quickly and safely whisk kids across the street in the midst of traffic.

And finally, there are the DSQUARED2 Hiking Sandals. First of all, why are they called hiking sandals? What does that even mean? Does it refer to the blue mesh at the top of the ankles which I guess looks like a hiking boot…sort of. These shoes are so brightly colored, oddly cut and strangely adorned by yellow and black striped fabric that they would never make sense UNLESS you’re a slutty crime scene investigator. The yellow and black fabric on the shoe is an exact match for crime scene tape and obviously tells others that you’re here to conduct business in your 4” hiking sandals.

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